The One with Alf

The Christmas rules were simple: No tree until after December 10th. Hang the tinsel perfectly as if your life depended on it. Gather up the wrapping paper trash as gifts are opened. Wait until after 9am to call Aunt Sandy and Grandma to find out when they were coming over.

They never came over quick enough. We'd pick up the phone and dial the number that I still have memorized, and ask them how soon they were going to get there. Patrick was probably in charge of watching out the window. Eventually they'd come over, bearing gifts and cream pies. 

The first Christmas that I remember was maybe the first one in the house where my parents still live. I remember the black trash bags that kept coming up the front steps, like it was a moving day. I remember my mom telling my grandma and grandpa, "This is way too much." I thought it was a fine amount, though the only presents I remember from that year are slippers and a stuffed sheep wearing roller skates. 

Sometimes our Christmas gifts included items that went along with whatever movie was opening that season, like the year we got pajamas and stuffed animals from "All Dogs Go to Heaven". We got to see ALL the movies that came out at the holidays, because after we'd opened presents, and after we'd eaten mid-day dinner, Aunt Sandy would take Patrick and me (and Eileen when she was old enough) to the movies while my parents took naps. I don't remember how old we were when we started going to the movies, but we went every Thanksgiving and every Christmas, and other times through the year too. Anytime we went to the movies with Aunt Sandy, she would also buy us sodas and candy. 

Any trip with Aunt Sandy was an all-expenses-paid, whatever-you-want kind of deal. Let me illustrate what I'm talking about, because it wasn't limited to movie concessions. One time she took us to Tiemeyer Pool in the summer. When Aunt Sandy asked us how long Mom let us stay, which was an hour, we estimated high when answering, so as to leave room for negotiation: "Three hours." We stayed FOUR hours with Aunt Sandy... and she bought us plenty of snacks from the snack bar, obviously. My cousin Robin is gonna read this and not recognize her mom from these stories, but this will help her understand why she may not get all the things she wants. It's because twenty years ago, Aunt Sandy already spent all her money on us! 

One time, when David was little, he wanted something and Patrick and Tanya told him it was too expensive. Minutes later, my dad bought it for him, and David told his parents that Grandpa has "expensive money" (David coined many lasting Fitzgerald phrases). But back in the 80's and 90's, when there were things my parents couldn't afford, it was Grandma and Aunt Sandy who had the expensive money. It didn't matter if it was the purple Coleman sleeping bag or the papasan chair that I'd always dreamed of having or the expensive Naturalizer boots, as long as they knew that we would appreciate something, they bought it for us. I remember Aunt Sandy taking me to Northwest Plaza to try on the boots, saying she would buy them for me as long as I really liked them and was going to wear them. I wore them until they had no tread left. 

Shopping hasn't been the same since going with Aunt Sandy, Grandma, and Aunt Edie. I remember many grocery store trips, K-mart trips, and Wal-mart trips. Wal-mart has the most stories. Shopping was an event for Grandma. Step one: Put her cane in the cart. Step two: Walk slowly through the store and put things into her cart. Step three: Sit with Aunt Edie in the snack bar and evaluate everything in the cart. Step four: Put back half the stuff, not where it goes, not given to the cashier, just shove it anywhere. Grandma always took extra bags from Shop N Save when checking out, as in stacks of brand new plastic bags, and saved them in her closet. Keep in mind that I have no memories of Grandma using a single one of these bags.

The grocery bag closet was in a room that adjoined the living room, also known as the bedroom that was built for my dad when baby Sandy was born. One time, when Grandma was babysitting us, one of the cats pushed the door open from that room, which in turn pushed the front door closed. Grandma got up to re-open the front door, saying something Grandma-ish like, "Durn cat." We were very creative at Grandma's house, so for the next hour or so, Patrick occupied himself by sneaking through the kitchen into that bedroom, and pushing the door open, so that Grandma kept getting up and kept blaming the cat.

Grandma's slang words were also a highlight of our card games. Mom and Dad and I played Shanghai (a version of rummy) with Grandma and Aunt Sandy on a regular basis after family dinners and on holidays. Grandma would say things like "durn" and "horse patootie" when she wasn't having luck with the cards.

Another Grandma story happened when she was babysitting at our house. When Eileen was born, both Grandma and Aunt Sandy would come over to babysit us, but at the time, it was just me and Patrick home, and Grandma was watching evening television. We were playing in the basement, and decided to have some fun. [I am already laughing out loud as I write this.] Patrick and I found black clothes for him to wear, including a black stocking cap. Then we used dark green eye shadow to darken his face. Then we went upstairs as slowly and quietly as we could. Patrick inched his way across the kitchen floor until he came out the doorway into the living room, right behind the recliner where Grandma was sitting. On my cue, he darted out from behind the chair, right in front of Grandma, right in front of the TV, running as fast as he could to the other side of the room. In retrospect, it's clearly a terrible idea to scare an old person, but we were too young to consider things like that. Grandma definitely didn't see it coming, and yelled a whole lot of not-made-up bad words, and threw in some "durn kids". 

There are two stories that make me laugh out loud every single time. You just read one of them. Here's the other: When Mom got home from grocery shopping, we were in charge of carrying in all the groceries, and putting away whatever things we could. One time, before any of the cans got put away, Patrick and I took the paper labels off all the tuna cans, and wrote "CAT FOOD" on them with a marker. Important fact: We had a cat. Mom caught us right after we did it, so she knew that the cans without labels were tuna and only tuna. All the cat food cans still had cat food labels. Soon afterwards, she was making tuna casserole for dinner, and my dad saw her opening cans labeled "CAT FOOD". After he was done freaking out and asking, "What are you doing?!", we were instructed to never again remove labels. 

Grandma and Aunt Sandy both had cats, wore cat sweatshirts, had cat earrings and cat quilts, and liked all things with cats. The first Christmas shopping I did was when Patrick and I bought Christmas presents with our own money from the nearby 88 Cents Store. Grandma and Aunt Sandy got cat items, whereas Aunt Edie was a bird person.
Eventually, Uncle Steve came into the picture, and we had to share Aunt Sandy. When they went on their honeymoon, Aunt Sandy let me borrow her convertible for the week, as a surprise. After the wedding reception, she tossed me the keys and said I could drive it all week. BEST. WEEK. EVER. 

Time would fail me to tell you all of the adventures we had with Aunt Sandy back in the day or during the years when we'd go over to her house for Christmas Eve pie, but I will tell you that many presents from her are still in existence and used on a regular basis, including the papasan chair. But the most treasured of all presents, the most used, the sometimes re-gifted, the well-traveled, the beloved of all time... is Alf. 

The enjoyment of Alf only increases as the years go on. There were a few years where Patrick and I went back and forth wrapping up Alf and giving him to each other as a Christmas present. I think Patrick started it. The recipient of the gift would think, "Ooh, whatever could be in this large present?...[unwraps]... Ha ha ha! It's Alf! You got me again!" I considered sending Alf to Patrick when he was at Bible College, but rather than send a stuffed doll to a house full of sweaty boys, I took photos of Alf doing things around the house, a whole roll of film, and sent Patrick the photos. Soon after, we all went out there for Patrick's graduation and wedding. It was then that I discovered that Build-A-Bear clothes fit Alf. So Alf came to California wearing a Hawaiian shirt, then he came to the graduation wearing a cap and gown, and he came to the wedding wearing a tuxedo. He was included in one of the photos with all the groomsmen. Alf also has a Batman costume. There are plenty of good stories about Alf... and when I mention Alf, I do not think of the television show, or the fact that these dolls were mass produced, I think of the one individual doll that belongs to our family, the one true Alf. 

Everything that Alf embodies, memories and family and love and presents and laughter... are also true of the one who bought him in the first place. Aunt Sandy gave us great presents, and took us on adventures, and spent lots of time with us. She is my aunt role model. I want my nieces and nephews to have adventures and memories and thoughtful gifts and know that I care about their lives and their concerns and their interests the same way that Aunt Sandy did for us. 

Several years ago, I was reading a book about living childless, which was basically about counting your blessings instead of feeling sorry for yourself. One part has especially stuck with me. It said that childless people make great aunts and uncles, that every child deserves a childless aunt or uncle, and that almost everyone can recall a very important childless person in their lives, whether related or not. I realized that I wanted to be that person who listens intently when children are talking about what is important to them. I want to compliment them on their strengths and encourage their talents. I want to use this time when I don't have my own children to make memories with my nieces and nephews. I want to take them on adventures, even if the adventure is Chick-Fil-A, because Kate and Liv seemed pretty excited our Girls Only dinner there last week. I want to give them some unique gift that is the unlikely item that gets cherished for decades, like Alf. 

Anyone who sees me post photos or quotes about my nieces and nephews, and tells me that I'm a good aunt... you should know that I learned it all from Aunt Sandy. Even now, as grown adults, when it's Christmas afternoon and there's that lull in the festivities, Patrick and Eileen and I will turn to each other and say, "Shouldn't Aunt Sandy be taking us to the movies?"

My Favorite Holiday

My favorite holiday is coming... and it's not Christmas.

Let me describe it for you.

Imagine your most anticipated holiday, complete with childlike anticipation, hoping it will come soon, and imagining what surprises it may hold!

Now add balloons... and presents... and bouquets of flowers... and family gathered together to celebrate, knowing that you'll tell stories of each of these individual holidays for years to come. There are no unpleasant aspects, because other people have done all the work and paid for everything, and you've been given the best event responsibilities, like relaxing and getting everyone psyched up. It's extra exciting because this holiday has no set date and no set frequency. It does not always happen every year. Sometimes the calendar gets marked with the exact day months in advance, and sometimes the holiday is not announced until the day of the celebration. Imagine going to bed every night, feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve, hoping you will wake up to someone telling you that it's the holiday, so that you can call your job and tell them you aren't coming today, or tomorrow, or maybe even the next day. Every celebration must be savored as if it were the very last holiday of its kind, because this holiday will not last forever, there are a limited number of celebrations, and you may not know that you've celebrated it for the last time until many years later.

I have celebrated my favorite holiday twelve times,... and it's been almost three years since the last celebration. Perhaps you will understand why I have zero Christmas spirit when I tell you this...

My favorite holiday will occur TWICE in the next few months.

Aunt Day, late-January 2016, courtesy of Patrick and Tanya.

Aunt Day, mid-March 2016, courtesy of Eileen and Stephen. 

Thanks also to past hosts of Aunt Day, Becky and Mark, Tina and Scott, as well as others who have made my favorite holiday possible, Carol and Dave, Anne and JB.

Summer Olympic Goals

Joel and I watched the 2008 Olympics as avid Phelps Phans, cheering on the Americans in swimming and gymnastics, but paying relatively little attention to the running track, except for Usain Bolt. We both had good jobs, but did not derive much satisfaction from them. We were sending a hefty monthly check to our credit consolidation company. And while everyone else on the planet was pregnant, we had not yet shared our adoption plans with our families. 

We vowed that when the next Summer Olympics came around, in the very distant future of 2012, we would either be parents or debt free. Both these aspirations seemed highly unlikely, but we set the goal nonetheless. How would we save money for adoption while dealing with our massive debt? I wish I had noted the dollar amount we owed in July 2008, a mere four years after we had begun accumulating it. I estimate we owed somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000. During this time, I had added up all the interest we paid on everything (including our house), and found that three out of four weeks, I went to work to pay interest. And why did paying off debt even matter if we had no toddlers with whom to share our lives?

The very distance future of the Summer Olympics 2012 dawns on a different couple. Same people, but much changed over the past four years. We are still Phelps Phans, but enjoy watching Ryan Lochte just as much. Gymnastics will always be our favorite Olympic event, transforming us into pros, who can expertly critic holds and landings and vaults. Usain Bolt is only one of many runners, all of whom have times and feats that wow us even more, in light of our healthier lives. Joel now runs several times a week, entering many races, and hopes to be part of the top ten for the Labor Day Run. I suggested a stair climb in March, a 5k on the morning of July 4th, and go to the gym regularly. My clothing tags don't list my dream numbers. The scale doesn't reflect my hard work. I've quit Weight Watchers. But I eat healthier in order to feel better. I surprise myself with the strength I've gained since the beginning of the year. And I'm not out of breath when I climb three flights of stairs. 

Our jobs have morphed. Joel went from Manager to Senior Manager to General Manager, running Waterway's Westport location as of this past April. I changed jobs twice in the last year, leaving Overland Optical just before becoming a certified optician (that's right, I can add "ABOC" after my name). I spent six months at a poorly run company, owned by an uncaring doctor, and managed by a petty control-freak. Now I come home stress-free and enjoy a well-rounded job of helping people choose eyeglasses, running tests for the doctor, tagging frames, submitting insurance, compiling paperwork, and discussing People magazine with my two coworkers. The three of us make up the "Sappington" division of Eye Care Associates of St. Louis.

Joel has a large base of computer customers. I'm convinced that some of them ask him to come over for the smallest things, just so they can spend time chatting with him. I have the privilege of leading the children's ministry at church. I'm so blessed to hear them recite their memory verses from the previous week. Joel leads worship once a month, and fills in teaching as necessary. I do important things like make copies of the church bulletin. Occasionally, our garage might catch on fire, or an exciting hail storm come total both our cars. But unless AAA is cutting us a check that week, our lives are happily ever routine.

If everyone on the planet is still pregnant, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I don't notice, unless they are producing another lovely niece or nephew for me to love. In a few weeks, we are celebrating our 11th Anniversary by visiting the 11th person who will call us aunt and uncle. We will be aunt and uncle to 12 people by next year, continuing the tradition of having a niece or nephew every calendar year since 2004. (Christmas 2013 will prove whether or not they are "cheaper by the dozen".) Two years ago, I read a book about living childfree (versus the rather negative outlook of "childless"), which included the beautiful line, "All children deserve a childfree aunt or uncle." I love doing special things with our nieces and nephews. I love talking to them, seeing their accomplishments, and spending time with them! We still have vague plans to adopt... someday. We have not started any processes, filled out any papers, or made any decisions. We have a clean slate before us, and though we are fairly sure that adoption is in our future, we don't know the timing or the plans that the Lord has for us. We're enjoying our happy marriage and family of two, including the occasional fight over who will turn off the light at bedtime. We did, however, cave in and get a plant. It's an adopted plant from my work, and we've kept it alive since December. Now whenever anyone follows the question "Do you have any children?" with "Do you have any pets?", we are able to proudly tell them that we have a plant, therefore putting to rest their fears that we are villainously uncaring or grossly incapable of taking care of a living thing. We have a living plant and we remember to water it. We also go to the movies on the spur of the moment (when we're lucky enough to find a plant-sitter), take quiet road trips (animated cartoons keep our plant quiet in the backseat), and rely on alarm clocks to wake us up (so that we can go water the plant). Yes, we know what we're missing out on. Our timeline is different than the stereotypical American family, but our lives are just as meaningful.

On August 4, 2001, when we stepped down off the stage of Calvary Chapel, as husband and wife, the song lyrics that played were, "I don't know what the future holds. It ain't clear where we go from here. One thing is true, God is in control. He is the keeper of my soul." The Lord doesn't give us movie-trailer type previews of coming years. We trust Him and He leads us and directs us to the path of His choosing. He has chosen such a perfect path for us, better than any we would have chosen for ourselves. We look forward to seeing where we go from here. It could be missions work. It could be parenting. It could be continuing to be a witness at our jobs. It could be full- or part-time ministry. It could be joining a circus as rodeo clowns. It's not up to us. It's up to Him. But there's nothing holding us back...

... because other than our car and our house, we are debt free. I set up the final payments through our online banking. Guess which day they go through to our creditors? July 27, 2012...

... the first day of the 2012 Summer Olympics.

 

The Price is Right

Presidential Campaign: $650,000,000,000
Inauguration Day: $125.000,000,000
Economic Stimulus Package: $800,000,000,000 to $900,000,000,000

There are some things money can't buy.
For everything else, there's our government.

Here are some of the priceless things we enjoy:

Jean, Joel, James, and David on Christmas

Our niece, Katelyn Joy, born 12/29/2008

Melanie and Uncle Joel, on New Years Day

Our niece, Abigail Grace, born 2/20/2009

If wealth could be measured in nieces and nephews, we would be the richest people in town. Our stock has gone up considerably in the last few months. Little Katelyn was as speedy delivery, maybe because she knew she'd always be hurrying after her brothers. Little Abigail was born after taking her sweet time, maybe because she enjoyed having everyone wait for her. Our next niece is arriving on April 3. We will be making the trek to Kansas City to see her, bearing gifts.
Sometimes life is hectic and crazy. It is not unusual for us to be eating dinner at 11pm in front of the television. Ah, I remember back in the good ol' days, when Joel and I would see each other every day. Yesterday, I left for work before he got up. In the evening, he went to a hockey game with other managers and the owner (apparently Waterway has awesome box seats). Today, Joel left for work before I got up. He came home for a nap break while I was having a crazy day at the workplace, which made me stay late, so that my home time didn't overlap with his. Now he's back at the ol' car wash doing inventory until the wee hours of the morning. Tomorrow, when he's off work, I'll be working my longest day of the week. Friday's coming! And we're both off!

On Monday night, we went late night grocery shopping (almost as romantic as my parent's Home Depot dates). We bought about three weeks worth of food. This is an experiment. We are trying to determine whether or not it saves us money to stockpile versus going to the store every few days. However, having everything makes it just as hard to choose a snack as when we have nothing, it's just deciding rather than foraging.

After putting away all the food, I expressed my concern to Joel, that I hoped the amount of food wouldn't cause the floor of the pantry to give out and cause all our food to go crashing into the basement. It was believable to me after my bad food day. I had gone to Sam's Club prior to the grocery store. I had loaded up on cereals, granola bars, chocolate chips, frozen chicken, all the essentials. It came up to $112, but it was all things I had planned to buy at the grocery store anyhow. After I loaded everything onto the conveyor belt, I realized that I didn't have my debit card. So after everything was rung up, I subtracted things off in shame, until I was left with whatever my $34 cash could buy. As I pulled onto the highway to drive home, I realized I could've just paid for everything with a check. I forgot that checks could buy things.

There are some things money can't buy, and they're called nieces and nephews.